Get Unstuck and Back in Life for the Long Game
Bruce Gibson
CoachingbyBruce.com
The terms “coachable" and “uncoachable” certainly have their place in executive coaching methodology. While I believe people always have the capacity for growth, there are those who are at a point in their life and career where they in fact are not open to change or may be better served through therapy instead of executive coaching. I myself have spent time trying to convert the latter and convince myself otherwise only to be proved wrong.
I have found that a middle ground exists between coachable and uncoachable: the “stucks.” These individuals are open and passionate to develop but not able to progress. An executive may have reached a point of professional complacency and needs a corrective nudge. Or the executive may be spinning in the proverbial mud and need help to reframe his or her self-limiting position. Examples could be, “I should have learned new skills earlier but I can’t imagine going back to school now.” Or, “I may as well hunker down and coast from here because it is too late to make changes.” Coaches can help shove the wood behind the tire spinning in the mud through a reframing intensive that includes career storytelling, the development equation, authentic purpose, and core values.
Some people feel that they reach a point in life where they have exhausted their natural resources. They start over-compensating to fix the situation and convince themselves that they need to reinvent who they are altogether. On the contrary, when a stalled leader can reframe that position and see life as continuous development—not distinct separate chapters—then he or she can learn from their own unique past and life journey so far and flip that forward for a clearer vision for the future. We accept behavior that is natural to ourselves, a past that is part of our own DNA. This get-unstuck process teaches leaders to draw upon their personal experiences that brought them where they are today and to reframe their tomorrows as opportunities for growth. Rather than reinvent oneself, the leader can take the sense of purpose that drove him or her this far and repurpose the years ahead.
The following fictitious coach-executive dialog explores such a scenario:
Coach: Tell me what’s on your mind today.
Executive: I’m 45 years old!
Coach: Yes, and?
Executive: I’m 45 years old, and we have a merger about to be announced, and if I am let go I cannot imagine getting back into the job market! I know I have a lot to offer and deserve what I have achieved, but...
Coach: But...
Executive: But I just feel exhausted even thinking about being back on the market. You know that I have a passion to succeed, but I wonder if my best days are behind me.
Coach: Can you sum that feeling into a word?
Executive: “Desperate.”
Coach: Yeah. [Pause] What else?
Executive: I’m feeling chased.
Coach: What’s chasing you?
Executive: Time. The years.
At this point, we see the deep mud; we see the car heading straight into it. And like a silent passenger we feel the wheels settle deeper. The executive clearly is engaged and self-aware. This is not a case of denial but rather a sincere outburst of gut-level desperation. This is a coachable moment and an opportunity for the coach to help the executive take a breath, open himself or herself to the process, and explore his or her life in the present state and past.
Coach: So we know you are 45.
Executive: Yeah.
Coach: Let’s explore your current mindset. Are you up for that?
Executive: Sure. Go for it.
Coach: How many productive years do you say you have ahead of you? Mentally engaged, go-for-it years. And not just corporate years, productive life years.
Executive: Hmm. Okay, 20.
Coach: Rocking till you’re 65. I’d say you can plan longer, but we will stick with 65 for this talk.
Executive: [Half smile]
Coach: Tell me about yourself 20 years ago.
Executive: Me at 25? Oh, okay. Wow, what a kid I was! I was just out of college, in my first professional career-like job, almost but not yet married, no kids even thought of yet. I had the world in front of me, and thought I knew everything. But, oh boy, I was green! Just talking about it feels like a lifetime ago!
The executive is investing into the coaching process and is generously sharing through exploration. With that base, the coach can then help the executive look inward to discover more about himself or herself as a first element toward reframing a new perspective. Here, we introduce the first phase of the Development Equation, a quantitative and qualitative coaching process designed by Bootstraps Executive Coaching. Using this first phase, the coach helps the executive create a personal launching point for the hard-hitting second phase.
Coach: So what makes you different today? Talk to me about what has happened in work and in life that makes you any different than that green kid.
Executive: Well, sure, I had just finished college, but as far as the real world and career goes, I knew nothing. That’s the time when I actually started what I call a career. And it hasn’t been a straight line, either. I got knocked down more than once; got back up. Went back to school and completed my graduate degree. Switched industries completely. Made my way to executive leadership. I guess I went from green to success and being respected. And that’s just work stuff. I built a whole life and family during those years, and they all mean the world to me.
It is time to transition from exploration and discovery into reframing. This helps the executive use his or her hard-earned self-awareness to challenge their previous position and perspective. New insights are a lens through which the executive can clear his or her eyes and see himself or herself in a future vision. Or even rethink the vision itself for a better fit. Here, we introduce the second phase of the Development Equation, which mimics the previous quantitative explorative reflection and flips it forward for a more qualitative discovery.
Coach: That’s a lot. So what makes the 20 years behind you any less than the 20 years in front of you?
Executive: [Smirky stare] I think I know what you are doing. But keep going.
Coach: Okay, I will. You yourself said that at that time you knew nothing. You were green. And yet you accomplished so much. You also said that at present, you have success and respect.
Executive: Yes...
Coach: Imagine that green kid starting off his journey with all that you have earned and gained since. How much further could he be?
Executive: That would be quite a leg up. If I were 20 again with all of the experience and knowledge that I have now, I… wait… oh, I get it. I am that kid with the 20 years of experience and knowledge.
Coach: Yes, you are. I encourage you to draw upon your experiences that brought you where you are today—successful and respected—and to reframe your tomorrows as opportunities for growth. You are the same guy, down to the DNA.
Executive: [Sighs and has a wrinkled forehead]
Coach: What are you thinking?
Executive: I felt stuck when we started talking today. I had forgotten all about that other guy and what it felt like to just experience life. It’s really true that I have productive years in front of me and I need to do something with them other than moan about them. The before and after toady part doesn’t matter. The math doesn’t lie.
Coach: This kid is going to be awesome! How about we shift our coaching toward starting a new journey?
Executive: That sounds really great.
This rich dialog between executive and coach opens new realms for leadership and life development. With eyes reopened for growth, the executive is now open to discuss his or her authentic purpose and core values as well as for coaching on achievement and sustainability. Achievement is not defined by a final result. It is measured by sweat equity. Achievement is all about doing—even one step at a time. For the executive, this is where his or her heavy lifting begins: creating SMART goals and action plans, evaluating and measuring progress, and if necessary re-think approaches. Ultimately, the coach helps the executive build a foundation for self-motivated continuous growth and renewal—backed by endurance. The executive will be mindful of his or her own thought processes and actions, strengths and challenges.
With the help of the Development Equation, the executive can learn to keep a curious and learning mindset. He or she can become reintroduced to the experiences, the strengths, and the personal values that once give him or her nourishment. The most important headline to remember is that he or she is in this thing called life for the long game.